Lets be real: your small business is too cool to have an HR department. You've watched enough TV to know that HR is a job for dumpy middle-aged cat ladies who lecture people over liberal claptrap like "discrimination," "gender equality," and "doing your payroll taxes right." HR is one of those boring corporate-y jobs that has no place in your hip young crowd of millennials, who are too busy innovating, synergizing, and killer-apping to waste time on trivialities like "complying with the law."
But here at C-Squared Consulting, having your back is our job. In case you need the talking points, maybe for an upcoming EEOC grievance, wrongful termination case, or unemployment hearing, here are the top 8 reasons you don't need an HR person - not even a part-time one:
8. Affordable Care Act compliance is easy
...Click the link below to read more.
But here at C-Squared Consulting, having your back is our job. In case you need the talking points, maybe for an upcoming EEOC grievance, wrongful termination case, or unemployment hearing, here are the top 8 reasons you don't need an HR person - not even a part-time one:
8. Affordable Care Act compliance is easy
...Click the link below to read more.
The Affordable Care Act - "Obamacare" - has for some reason made waves in the HR/risk management community since its passage. Some people have even thought that they need trained specialists to help their businesses comply with this law. That's silly. The Affordable Care Act has only generated 20,000 pages of new regulations. New regulations only come rolling in, you know, constantly. There's only $164 billion in fines and penalties expected to be assessed against businesses over the next ten years. Shark Tank will buy your market-disrupting startup for ten times that amount before anything bad happens!
7. People aren't racist anymore
It's a well-known fact that racism stopped sometime in the early 1990s. People under the age of 30 have voted for Obama way too many times for you to worry about racism. That explains the plummet in race-related EEOC charges over the last ten years: while 36.2% of EEOC charges in 1997 were at least partially based on alleged racial discrimination, this newer, hipper, younger generation works in a 100% egalitarian economy where only 34.7% of new EEOC charges are based in part on race. That's a shocking decrease of 1.5 percentage points!
6. And they definitely aren't sexist anymore
Much like racism, sexism is something older workers used to have to worry about but younger ones don't. On the same metrics as above, EEOC charges on sexism have plummeted from 30.7% of new charges to 29.5%. So sexism, too ,is over now. Nobody needs to be trained on how not to do something nobody does anyway. Right? Sure, there's still a pay gap in literally every industry, but you're a special and unique snowflake that has zero capacity for unconscious bias, zero propensity to discriminate even unintentionally against women (especially mothers), and zero pay gap in your own business. Why would you need an HR person, or any kind of risk management person at all, advising you on how not to do something that only happened in the Mad Men era?
Which is great news, because the government is about to make you prove it!
5. And if you have any of those pesky older workers, you can just replace them with those hip, young millennials
I've seen businesses do this plenty of times. It isn't age discrimination - it's just that you need a "fresher," "less worn-out," "unspoiled" (all words that actual clients have said to me in discussing their EEOC troubles) crowd. What're those old farts gonna do anyway - call the EEOC? Besides, age discrimination is cool now anyway.
4. Payroll is easy
If you're a total lame-ass, you might have some W-2 employees you haven't yet deliberately misclassified as 1099s for the express purpose of reducing your payroll costs. Don't worry, idiot, large payroll processors will take care of everything for you, no problem. If they can handle the day-to-day payroll, they can definitely handle your ACA compliance (see above), ERISA compliance (if you don't know what that is, just don't worry about it - you can always google it when the first demand letter shows up), handling bonuses and special payouts (if I promise somebody a $5000 bonus, that automatically means before taxes, right?), reimbursements, figuring out to do when some pesky shareholder comes sniffing around about the CEO's expense account... right?
3. Nobody knows their rights anyway
Hey, just because you can just google them doesn't mean just anybody can. Wrongfully-terminated employees usually go pretty quietly, so that's not a problem. Who's gonna use a free Department of Labor hotline, anyway?
2. It's not like anybody fails to comply with Department of Labor regulations anyway
I mean, the Department of Labor can't figure out the Department of Labor's regulations... but you probably can. Right?
1. After all, I can just google [insert literally anything an HR, in-house counsel, or risk management professional would do]
I hear this from potential clients all the time. So you know what? You're right. You can just google it. People only lose court cases, get fined into oblivion by the EEOC and the Department of Labor, rack up gigantic tax bills, and end up on the wrong side of a class action because of a lack of Google-Fu. But you're good at googling. Real good. The first article you read is going to have all the answers. Right?
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